Saturday, January 23, 2010

Blended Family

I belong to a blended family--sort of. Normally, when one refers to a blended family, there is an understanding that two people who were previously married and have children, have gotten together and brought their children from previous marriages with them to form a new, blended family.

In my case, I married a man who has children from a previous marriage. I have no children and I have no previous marriage. I came into this whole things with bright eyes and romantic notions. I had 40 years of living blissfully single and carefree, singing songs and skipping through life. I was able to sit and watch 18 hours of CSI non-stop while I ate food from their inherent containers and decided I didn't need to clean up until tomorrow. I could go into debt if I wanted to. I could have friends from foreign lands show up on a whim and hang out with me indefinitely.

Now, not so much.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I still eat food from their inherent containers. There are some pleasures I refuse to give up. But as far as CSI goes...well, Hubby and I don't have cable or digital TV so basically our TV is only good for DVD's. No worries, we're FAR TOO BUSY to watch TV anyway, what with bussing the kids all around town AND dealing with the ex-wife's bullshit insanity.

And I get to listen to my twelve year old say things like, "He was sooooo old. He was like, 40!" (See previous post for age angst overload.)

The thing is, I have AWESOME step kids. They are truly extraordinary and I am really lucky. It could have gone either way, you know. Usually, when I tell people my husband has three kids the response I get is, "'s that going?" in this low, conspiratorial voice like they really know how it is and I can trust them to confide in them my obvious filial nightmare...but the truth is, the kids are AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME and I am totally nuts for them. They make me really happy and honestly, I wish I had the joy of knowing them when they were younger because they're just so cool. (They are 20, 17 and 12.) My nightmare is the nightmare of the ex-wife.

The fact that she is a nightmare is sort of funny. Hilarious even. I think, if I told the story correctly, you would LOL! But I'm still too close to it to have that sort of cynical and bitchy distance to observe things in at witty way. The woman makes my lift hell no ifs ands or buts...

The Ex left my Hubby. SHE left him. Got it? SHE LEFT. Because she's a lesbian. She left my Hubby because she's a lesbian. Hubby understood and even supported all the while he was feeling ripped apart inside. She slept with another woman while they were married. ADULTERY. SHE LEFT. And yet, she is SOOOOOOOOO ANGRY with Hubby and acts like such the victim that it is genius really...she is so wounded and angry and bitter about the divorce and at the same time she enjoys treating her ex as if he was still her husband--oh it is so bizarre--and has even said that she regrets leaving blah blah blah...SHE IS A PERFECT NIGHTMARE. I've lost my train of thought really because I just get all worked up thinking about her.

Last week she was in Germany with her partner, the 20 year old and the 17 year old. They were there for the amazing reason that her father was testifying against a Nazi war criminal who was charged with deaths in the concentration camp that killed his (the Ex Wife's father's) family. This is intense stuff and it is really great that they were able to go. It was also really nice for us to have her out of the country and therefor we didn't receive 14 calls a day from her about any number of trivial things and/or to tell Hubby what a piece of shit he is and what a selfish bitch I am. Mid week, however, she wrote to Hubby and asked him if he could pick them all up at the airport on Thursday around 4:30. Yes, she is too retarded to catch a cab. She's not too poor, as she is a world renowned radiation oncologist and makes twice as much money as Hubby and I do, but she is completely retarded. Hubby checked his schedule and wrote back that he was booked through at work and didn't think he'd be able to come [pick up his EX wife] but that she should page him when she landed and he'd see if things had loosened up. She proceeded to write back SEVERAL nasty emails about how he just didn't have a clue what they were going through this week and how profound it all is blah blah blah and he's a selfish and evil human being etc. etc... My favorite email was a two liner that said something like, "For the first time I have seen into the depths of your soul. I now see who you really are."

Mmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmm. That's my blended family.


  1. Well, that story is just so rich. It's so Freudian. The Ex is obviously absolutely tormented by her own guilt of having turned lesbian, that she has no choice but to externalise it, for fear of her own mental demise. I know she needs to get in touch with her children, but don't they have their own cell phones? Could you and your husband change the home number? And not give it to her? Or just stop taking the phone, except for a once a week telephone appointment with her to discuss practicalities. It's almost a restraining order worthy. Sorry you have to go through this. You two don't deserve it.

  2. Btw, that ribbon in your hair in the picture....why don't they sell that anymore? What happened to the ribbon? I want that ribbon!

  3. Jennie!! I love your analysis of the situation and I quite agree. It is SO CLASSIC that at times I can definitely laugh. Changing home phone will only incite wrath. Scott has attempted with minimal success to get calls down to once a week (they do a "logistics" call once a week for the following week) but she still calls. Often she calls Scott just to go over whatever little thing pops into her mind (regarding the kids). What Scott has NOT done is specifically said, "I only want to speak once a week". He tries and affect change without directly rejecting her because (in my mind) she has Borderline Personality Disorder (Scott's brother and sister-in-law, both psychologists, have thought this for years) and the thing about Borderline's is when they experience something as rejection they respond with RAGE. And I mean rage. Scott tries to avoid that, understandably. There is only so much pushing I can do since he is the one that has to deal with it but ultimately he is going to have to take her on...we're getting there.

  4. Also--that ribbon!! I know! FABULOUS! It is actually made of yarn, as I recall. If I run into any I'll send some your way. I'm feeling very nostalgic now...

  5. YARN....yes, it was yarn! I had 'em too. Why haven't they come back with all the other 80s peraphenalia that's been so popular lately I wonder?